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I like what you wrote. There is an Alice in wonderland feel on it that appeals to me. A comment page will make it easier for you to get feedback on what you did, I hope it's alright I made it. I felt like I would disturb your work when commenting on another page of the project.

The strongest part for now to my feeling and at least "a" theme is in the scene where Alfred and Melody stand on the slippery ground of the water. I see it a bit from above through the eyes of Jo... the tiny man. I see an arch, a wet-soaked arch reaching out of the water. An arch composed of Alfred, the enormous, always naked, always ashamed Alfred bent forwards, so ashamed, his arms holding on tiny Melodies arms, both bent forward looking at each other trying to somehow hold the balance. There is an energy flowing, circulating from the water up into Alfred, it is precompressed in his lower part, the sexual part of him, it slips though his mind and goes as an invisible beam through his eyes over into Melody whome he falls in love with and and this energy flows on though her tiny bones into the water and so forth. She is the woman and the child. She seems the size of a child. Big ashamed male bent over a childwoman I read. Let's see where this will float to. My two cents for the moment. -- MattisManzel

I like the comment page and your comments! Thanks! -KenGribble


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