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This is an OnlineDiary for RobGraves. See also RobGravesCuriousQuestions

Feel free to add comments and questions in italics if you wish, as long as they are either friendly or funny. (Actually anything other than a flame will be fine).

9:12 PM 13 March 2005

Well fuck me. Is that like weird. 12 months to the day and I wander in. Because I have decided to start a gestalt wiki with an old friend, who has been into gestalt for a long time and TA. Already I can think of another guy and Ai fellow interst in the arc between perception and cognition, who would be fun to do it with.

I refered Ev to this site.

Oh and now I see myself as a liberal christian. And am still behaving neurotically on the net.

This is weird though. It feels like wandering in to an annual waterhole, and making my mark on the tree. I'm gonna read about where i was at 12 months ago now.......



1:22 PM 11 March 2004

Been a while to do the diary thing. Started the Anti-Cyanide Campaign. Six people. Setting up info in a MOS thingy.... working well. May use a wiki as a meeting/policy developement tool. Will give everyone on the MOS site Editing and Publishing tools. Looks like shit. Maybe a good thing. Meeting Graeme today i hope re Cyanide, and hasling beurocrats.

Gestalt - did work shop on I- Thou. Reading as well. Pissing other studenst off by being to clever. Arguement with victim feminist. Yikes.

Happy. Meatball Wiki is still a good read.

Happy. Big corporate teams koed from Champions League.

Happy happy happy.

__________________________________________________________________________________________- 8:19 PM 28th Feb 2004

Lazy day. Pixel Surfed. Connected with TWG Forum. Communicated with irrational racist without getting annoyed. This took me into a revision of Indigenous issues via Stolen generation report and royal commission into aboriginal deaths in custody. Slowly the people on this forum with experiences of indigenous contexts are emerging and the discussion is moving out of the polarisation, a few other accesses are opening.

Gratified to get good vibe on fitting in from MeatballWiki. My need to act to create reputation is reduced by asking questions and getting answers. I'd probably be tempted to build a walled garden if i had any energy. Maybe RecruitingTheJaded? is a principle of to be included in SoftSecurity.

Enjoyed watching Jude read to Bill. The story was about primary and secondary colors. Magic.

Pissed with the great nations spying on the UN, and the refusing to discuss it on the grounds of National Security. Like the UN is a threat to national security. Koffee Annan wouldn't hurt a gnat for goodness sakes. Someone said on TV "It's just not on to crash tackle the referee" which i thought was a good comment.

Jude wants us to see Mel's Jesus movie next week. I know I'm going to hate watching Jesus get the fuck beat out of him. i just don't like watching that happen to anyone. It's upsetting. I'm sure as hell doing it on work time. Evangelicals seem to enjoy it.

Very jaded with the "chattering middle class"....(including myself). Gotta muster energy for this anti-Cynide thing. Get my head across it all (science and all) so i can talk about it without thought.

27th Feb 2004

More extroverted freeling coming to the diary today. Tired after a late night. Five days away building a tight little affinity group focused on ending the use of Cyanide in gold mining. Interested in the place of gold in the economy and the mythic economy. Web trawl indicated that there may be concern amongst beurocrats as well so we need to design the actions to speak to them. Met two young enthusiasts from UQ. Both science backgrounds who actually process the stuff about chemicals outside the Earth, Air, Fire and Water paradigm. Good to have them around. Starting to think about gold from a theological perspective.... ie the king loves idols made of it, but still it was the gift that the sage bought to the infant Christ. Empires traditionally have been very interested in gold. Also want to look into the tax and royalty side of gold. How much does the community actually get from this export. Will be looking at a direct conflict with Barrack Gold over Lake Cowell. I wonder if they have a Jewellry subsidiary.

On the road talked at length wil an ex-Airforce guy who set up the paridigms fro the entire doctrine. What a mind. Modeled six alternative worldlines to fifty years. He is very interested in the paradoxical theory of change. I am as well. Seeing the ripples of the ripples stuff in Nimbin. Still reading "I-thou" articles. Most interesting has been an article on Levinas. Good to see someone else from the gestalt world reading Levinas. I wonder if Levinas' incomprehensibility is a SoftSecurity technique. Not wanting to become the flavor of the month.

Met with Ange, around the theme of vandalism and betrayal. I think Jude and I have accidentally practiced SoftSecurity by being uncharismatic, and conming across as a little mad and tough as hell. All their problems have come from vandals who came to be cared for, under the pretence of joining to make contributions. We just seem to scare everybody off. Our location is much more noxious as well.

Jude seems happy, and the boys missed me. They came into bed this morning and welcomed me home. All to short.

Gestalt course starts next week. Jump on the emotional rollercoaster.

21st Feb 2004

Read the change "training the insane". I think the troll I am dealing with is deeply disturbed. Once I set the boundaries, he became vitriolic. I feel worried that it will come into real life. But it is is in real life already. Pixels are real. If it's not fun don't do it. Writing this feels like fun.

Part of me wishes that I had hidden my identity more over there, but the discussion of real names on Meatball has helped me. Everyone hiding is like talking about "saftey" at the start of the group. It makes everyone wonder what is going to happen, and tells the anti-socials where they will get the most value. that is where identity slips through the usernames cracks. It is hard work to be civil, and the anti-social's in-civility seems to be energised by the fluidity of identity and reputation. I am finding this particularly with the atavistic political right (cue bagpipes) - who seem hell-bent on destroying online community, and it's anarchic potential. Conspiracy theory anyone? Predudice mine.

Feild theory would teach that the anti-social is being anti-social on behalf of the group, which is a thought that I resile from today. Maybe I summoned the troll in subtle ways ... surely this is the case becaue we all have the darkness inside us.... like to like. Community is fragile. Krishnamurti on the inner and the outer seems about on the mark. Must read more.

I feel more relaxed with this diary now. Fell like I am journaling with a small but curious and shy audience which is nice.

What is clear is that the troll does not take responsibility for his actions or the intended (and unintended) consequences. He is not so much a fuckwit as a fuck-up. Completely inauthentic. A textbook case of bad-faith. Note to self. Never, troll ever again. Practical jokes are always cruel at their centre and operate on the access of humiliation, which is the assigning of identity. Big question what do i do with my vitriol and murderous rage? My broken lonliness. In this sense community just has to be healing ie liberative).

(please delete swearing if it is socially unaceptable here - that way I will know).

Hot today 41C. Beach. Sand was frying. Good time with kids and Jude. Played some Champ 03/04. Lurking Kur5shin. May write my article on "Conspiracy Theorys as Modern Apocalyptic Literature". Good place to get feedback on writing style. Nice to see that MeatballWiki grooves on WilliamGibson. Good http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2004/1/26/19439/5191 piece on Batman on KuroShin. The relationship between the antisocial and madness. The key of course being that Batman is barking mad himself. Buy some batman comics.

18 Feb 2004

Reading. Set Reading or Gestalt. "I and Thou" still.

Wiki - Made my first post on a page. See what happens.

17 Feb 2004

Wiki. Looking at various pages re-online conflict. And Roles in Online community.

Reading. Working through journals on I-Thou relating in Gestalt Therepy.

Online. Not visiting a certain online comminity whist thinking through my feelings about dealing with a DifficultPerson? who uses SnipingCriticism. This has resulted in stress processes for me which was quite dramatic so. It is important for me to grow in skills regarding NonViolence in an OnlineCommunity.

Meat. Playing a bit of Backgammon with my wife Jude. We are using the betting diice for the first time. Highlights the way my ego and greed bring me unstuck!. Also learn't that I like to gamble early, and consolidate at the end. Lost the match going for the record. I wonder if this is typical for me?

Started gestalt entry http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gestalt_Therapy as a revision exercise.

Online. Still dealing with a difficult person. Named process today and informed community that I am going into a DeepLurk? mode. Feeling stress related to my choice not to adopt anonymity in this community. Suspect that the two personas who have been in conflict with me may be the same wacko. Maybe adoring fan. Thanks MeatballWiki for all this information on how to deal with this situation. I feel like I have arrived in Rivendell.

I remember feeling much the same as I started to lurk here. Lots of people, thinking about these problems, coming up with solutions. The answer to all my prayers? Not quite: MeatballIsNotSalvation? - at least not yet.

I think a place to get good advice though...

Playing backgammon more cautiously. Relaxing. Hot a hell. Not gardening, but thinking about it.

Thoughts. Garden. ExitStrategys from communities. I never think to have them.



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