PersonalRelationship

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Genuine relationships

We have a lot of relationships in our lives, but we do not have a lot of genuine relationships. Relationships that stick and mean something require a whole other quality. They require a that you must do well by yourself and you must do well by others. This means first caring about yourself, caring about others, and making it easy for others to care about you (to reciprocate). Sure, you can only ControlYourself, but you can easily convince others to care about you.

	You to yourself	Others to you	You to others
Respect	Respect yourself. Do not settle for the worst. Believe you are worth the best. Have dignity. You are the only one responsible for your own life, so take care of it.	Be worthy of respect. Be dependable and reliable. Be potent. Matter to the world.	Respect others. Care about their sensibilities, and treat them with dignity. Do not waste their time. Do not create needless obstacles for them. Make their life as easy as you can. Have patience. Don't litter. Follow the PrincipleOfConstantRespect.
Interest	Be interested in yourself. You are worth it. Don't lower your priorities for someone else's just because you think they are better than you. If you aren't interested in yourself, no one else can be. Have objectives and act on them. M/ove your own life forward.	Be interesting. Communicate your own interests to others. Learn how to do this. Have interests that help others, or that have impact on others. A hobby that is wholy impersonal and solitary easily becomes an excuse to avoid talking to other people.	Be interested in others. People are fascinating. Listen to people and learn. Relate their interests to your own. ExchangeValue?: help them with their objectives.
Truth	Be honest to yourself. Don't self-delude yourself or rationalize. Don't be insecure. Know and accept your situation.	Be honest. Don't lie to people. Have integrity. Be upfront. Be consistent. Be steadfast. Be forthcoming.	See and seek the truth of others. People will consciously and unconsciously hide the truth of their lives from others. Make it safe for them to tell you the truth. Hone the empathy to understand others on a subconscious level. Avoid projecting your own feelings or relying on stereotypes.
Safety	Be safe with yourself. Be secure. Don't be self-destructive.	Be open to others. Don't judge them. Allow them to be safe exposing their vulnerabilities to you. Never exploit those vulnerabilities. DefendEachOther as necessary.	Be open towards others. Be at ease. Be comfortable exposing your vulnerabilities to others. When others exploit your vulnerabilities, turn the other cheek and move on.

Valued relationships

Human beings only have a finite capacity for personal relationships. Some social scientists have placed this number at around 150, as described in TheTippingPoint. However, we meet often thousands of people in our lives. How we do select which relationships to spend time on and which to let go? We simply value one relationship over another. We value anything that helps us advance one of our objectives. For instance, in business, we value whatever helps us close a sale, get promoted, lower your costs; or in life, we value whatever helps us find a mate, have fun, build a house.

There are three strategies to generate better, stronger relationships.

CreateValue?. Be a source of original value in the world. Discover new ideas, explore new areas, build new things. People will come to you.

AddValue?. When you have something you can contribute, do so, without expectation for anything in return. Even if it is emotional support, be there to listen. You will build trust and a reputation. Leaders are those who AddValue?. People will come to depend on you. They will then return value back to you by following you.

ExchangeValue?. The foundation of any society or economy is an exchange of value. Trade over the long term always forms a community at the point of trade. All the towns, villages, cities are the nexuses of trade. When the exchange of value dissolves, the community dissolves.

Would this be too poetic for the truth/self cell?

: This above all: to thine own self be true/
: And it must follow, as the night the day/
: Thou canst not then be false to any man/

Hopi elders speak by The Elders, Oraibi, Arizona, Hopi Nation

: You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour.
: Now you must go back and tell the people that this is The Hour.
: There are things to be considered:

: Where are you living?
: What are you doing?
: What are your relationships?
: Are you in right relation?
: Where is your water?
: Know your garden.
: It is time to speak your Truth.
: Create your community.
: Be good to each other.
: And do not look outside yourself for the leader.

: This could be a good time!

: There is a river flowing now very fast.
: It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.
: They will try to hold on to the shore.
: They will feel they are being torn apart, and they will suffer greatly.

: Know the river has its destination.
: The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.

: See who is in there with you and celebrate.

: At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally. Least of all, ourselves.
: For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

: The time of the lone wolf is over.
: Gather yourselves!

: Banish the word struggle from your attitude and vocabulary.

: All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

: We are the ones we've been waiting for.

Found at and copied from [Kerry Santo's wiki homepage at globalvillages.org]

I feel strongly that what most people want in life is just for someone to make them think they are special in some way--some positive way. To have someone listen to you sincerely, or to think you are doing a good job, or to invest in you without wanting anything back. Those are the people we remember fondly in life. What's sad is that we are so effective at blocking other people from helping us. We are rude, bitter, hurtful, shy, afraid. Whatever it is we often do, we make it too costly for others to invest in us. The secret, perhaps, is to have patience and invest in people despite the seemingly unending series of PricklyHedges they will put up inadvertently. -- SunirShah

An interesting result from one of the papers at WikiSym 2007, [Majchrzak, Wagner, & Yates, 2006], was that, inside an organization, increased readership (by putting the wiki on the corporate portal) had zero impact on the number of contributors to a wiki. The only thing that resulted in more contributors were people going personally to others to show them how to use the site. That is, creating more PersonalRelationships mattered more than creating more traffic. -- SunirShah

[Sunir on personal relationships at Wizard of OS 3] (mpeg4 video) (associated [Powerpoint slides]) (yes, I mumble especially when I get nervous.)

The Hopi words above are exciting. It is time for people to come together more and more. And the Internet is good at allowing new ways for us to connect, but we must remember to also connect in the ways that do not require this platform. Anything that we abandon is going to atrophy and disappear; I won't let that happen to my capacity for deep PersonalRelationships. -- RyanMurphy

PersonalRelationship

Genuine relationships

Valued relationships

Hopi elders speak by The Elders, Oraibi, Arizona, Hopi Nation

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